Once again we arrived in Atlantic City for a mini vacation. My friends keep telling me… “You’re on vacation again?” well yes, when your only babysitter lives three hours away, you make a vacation out of it.
So here’s the deal, my parents moved back to Israel last year (from Long Island) and my in-laws live in New Jersey. My friends are in Miami and I won’t let a stranger watch my child, at least not yet.
So our predicament is drive to NJ (from CT) or not go anywhere, or go with Everleigh of course. Hubby is definitely pushing me to find a babysitter of any kind, but I’m just not ready and I don’t when I’ll be.
So we drive down to NJ for about three hours, drop Ev off with her favorite grandma (AKA Abbadabba… don’t ask) and take another three-hour drive down to AC.
We come here about twice a year (at least) and it really has become our home away from home. This vacation also made me realize something that I have been contemplating for a while now. Growing up, it was always just me and my brother, who’s five years older. Having the big age difference, we never really had the close brother and sister relationship.
So I always said that when I have kids, I want a big family. At least three kids, better yet four – two boys, two girls – and initiate the buddy system, so everyone grows up with a buddy. From four it went to three, and from three it went to… let’s go one kid at a time and make that decision when it’s time.
Now that I’m one kid in and having the second one in just three months, I’m starting to realize that maybe two really is enough. I love Everleigh so much it hurts, and everyday that little girl drains me physically and emotionally. Now I’m having another little guy who’s going to suck me dry, in more ways than one.
Would I be able to handle three kids? Probably, do I want to? Probably not. And it’s not just the energy drainage I’m afraid of. I still feel like I have so much living to do, kids or not. Don’t get me wrong, I will give those kids everything I have and then some, but I can’t forget that I am not just someone’s mom or someone’s wife. I am still me and my hopes and dreams are just as important.
If we only have two kids, we would be able to invest more in them through out their life, instead of scraping the bottom of the barrel and possibly skipping one kids desires over the other one. If we have more than two kids, we might not be able to take our alone vacations, or family vacations for that matter cause it will just be too expensive. And who’s going to watch three kids when we want to take a few days to ourselves? All things to consider.
I just hope that having my kiddos a little closer in age (3 instead of 5 years) would make them a little closer than me and my brother were. And I will do everything i can to get them there. Is my mind 100% made up? I just don’t know. I am on the last day of my four-day vacation and I really don’t feel like I’d want to give up this alone time. Just to be clear, the hubs is sold on the two and done idea, having come from a big Italian family with at least 20 cousins, his parents were the only ones that stopped at two. And are very happy with their decision.
So even if I wanted to have more than two, I would have to convince him of it. And if I have to convince someone to have another kid with me, I don’t want it anyway. So as of now we are stopping at two, what’s to come is still unknown.